TLC by Chrouya Script: Little Busters Episode 1[timed][semiedit-kaori] Workraw: Little Busters! -01 WR ===NOTE TO EDITOR/TL/QC=== Kyosuke --> Kyousuke {replace all of them} Edit all instances with "xxxx huh". It could easily be replaced with question marks or simply omitted. {not when huh is on its own like "Huh?"} {Though, you could keep it in as kind of characteristic for Rin. She will continue to speak like this for the whole season} Correct the punctuation. Capitalization, for example. Aphorism --> Quote {They're not completely the same} ======================= 14 This is getting out of hand, stop those two. This is getting out of hand, can't you stop them!? {making it more persuasive here} 17 The two of them, while you weren't here, didn't fight. The two of them refrained from fighting while you were gone. {it's wise to rephrase the english sentence, and to switch around clauses in contrast to keeping the Japanese order} 18 Only when you are here do they fight. As you would always become the referee and intervene. {lit. so you can intervene and referee} {Seems guesslated. The context is that kyousuke always decides who's the winner, so they don't fight when he's not around} 20 In-bare-handed fighting, Masato is too strong. In bare-handed fighting, Masato is too strong. {no hyphen there} 21 Conversely, with his shinai, Kengo is also too strong. Conversely, Kengo would be too strong when wielding his shinai. {English making no sense here. At least get the "also" out of there} 23 You guys can use anything, anything that looks like a weapon. You guys, anything will do, so could you all throw in some suitable weapons? {the subjects are all the people around them} 32 Heck how am I supposed to fight with it anyway?! Heck, how am I supposed to fight with it anyway?! {comma} 35 Stop bullying the weak! Bullying the weak is a no-no! {she's using childish slang for it, so appropriate fixing here} 41 Ahh, listen Rin. Ah, listen up, Rin. 44 What kind of reason is that... Quite the frivolous reason... {alternative} 46 I thought you meant "the scales fell from my eyes", so I told you it meant "to suddenly understand the truth"... I assumed you meant "the scales fell from my eyes", so I told you it meant "to suddenly understand the truth"... {using a different verb to show that he never explained the right proverb} 47 Then you should have told me from the beginning, what the hell is burdocks falling from my eyes? Then you should have told me what "The burdock fell from my eyes" meant from the beginning! {so this sentence becomes a bit clear. } 57 -sign- [Tri-section Staff] {Three-section staff OR Sansetsukon} 58 Eel pie?!? Eel biscuit?! {don't localize 50%. Keep it as Unagi pie, or make it Eel biscuit, as it's a cookie} 59 {\i1}This kind of scene... this was not the first time.{\i0} {\i1}This kind of scene... was not the first time.{\i0} 62 {\i1}The time after I lost my parents.{\i0} {\i1}The days right after I lost my parents.{\i0} 89 Lennon huh? Lennon, huh? 92 Auldrey... Audrey... 93 Fabre. Akutagawa. 108 At the very least, Kyosuke will not be here in a year. At the very least, Kyosuke will not be here next year. 114 You remember grade school? We'd go around the neighborhood and look for bad guys and beat them up? You remember grade school? We'd go around the neighborhood and look for evil to take care of? {not just bad guys} 117 As usual Kyosuke will be the leader... Kyousuke would always be the leader, 118 Something that is interesting... will happen. and interesting things were bound to occur. {past tense} 130 Over there, Stand right there... Over there, stand right there... 132 Uwahh... me huh... Uwah, I'm the pitcher? {example for editing huh} 135 What's the progression? What progression? 136/137 Our team Little Busters! Will always have a cinematic and dramatic outcome? --> Our team, the Little busters, will always make for cinematic and dramatic matches. {why is this split, actually?} 138 Sounds like something from a manga... You've been intoxicated by manga... {lit. "by the influence of manga"} 141 The first ball for celebration! The first ball for commemoration! The season-opener! {not the same} 142/143 These lines should be attached to each other with according English grammar. Please fix this. 144 Yeah! with all your strength! Yeah! With all your strength! 146 That's a total miss... And with that... {what?} 148 I give the title "legendary no-con" to you! I bestow the title "Divine Zero Control" upon you! ===SIGN=== Rin gained the title: "Divine Zero Control"! ========== 149 I don't want it!! I don't want it! {don't use double exclamation marks!!} 150 We little busters, will temporary use this room in their absence. Us Little Busters will make use of this room for now. 151 There are still a few members, but since they failed at getting new members, they are currently in a abolished state... The school's baseball club apparently had some troubles, and is currently in an abolished state. {ouch, a three liner} 158 However, I've come to realize that this is not by my own will... {lit. However, I'd just be going with the flow of the mainstream.} 159/160 Then I realized I have to do something to prove that I am here... That's why I've decided to play baseball. --> That's why, to prove my very own existance, I've decided to play baseball. 181 1853 In 1853, {I would like some styling on this} 182 Perry Expedition ports at Uraga Har.bor Perry Expedition ported at Uraga Harbor. {happened in the past} 184 Arrival of aliens. Alien invasion. 190 Counting on you as usual! Doing it right now, as usual! 210 Since it's come to this, I'll make a bunch of great saying, Since it's come to this, I'll make a bunch of aphorisms, {STAY CONSISTENT} 211 and make her think that he's actually pretty cool and make girls think that I'm actually pretty cool! {generalized, taking himself as subject} 212 This guy is an Idiot... This guy's an idiot... {placeholder for line 214} 214 -sign- What an Idiot {sign}This guy's an idiot! Rin Natsume (referring to her old friend Inohara Masato) 217 She just said that I'm an idiot... Wanna go for a round?! {anger directed at kengo} 220 {sign} Nma, tsa, chogi! - Inohara Masato (reflecting on his life) {also use the line for the untranslated part some second back} 222 It's probably something stupid... It's probably nothing worth remembering. {nothing of worth} 223 It's because you stabbed me at the side with a pencil. It's only you, stabbing me in my sides! 224 Ah... speaking of baseball... I've decided on a baseball match. Ah... I've also decided on the date for a baseball match. 229 We need more members, more practice, more equipment, everyone save you for motivation and more members! The remaining members, practice time, people with as much motivation as you, and the remaining members! {seems to have some tls that were off} 230 He said more members twice... He said the remaining members twice... 231 Masato must have did it on purpose, there must be some deep meaning in it... Masato must have did it for some purpose, so please don't pry too much into it. 253 Well, it's because it's painful with only guys that's why... Well, it'd be merely painful with only guys that's why... 256 They say, recently, girls often use "ohayou gozai masu". Recently, girls even say "Good morning" in the afternoon. 257 Ohayou gozai masu seems too long... "Good morning" seems too long... 258 How about 'Oyassu'? Sounds more professional doesn't it? I suggest we go with the more professional "Morn'". 259 I'm not sure that's important... What part of that is professional... 261 -- 264 {here's a difficult one} If you say Oliver Sauce quickly, doesn't it sound like ohayo gozai masu? If you say "Great Merlin" quickly, doesn't it sound like "Good morning"? {try coming up with something better} 267 -- 270 -- 276 In that case, how about Ore Saitou ssu? In that case, how about "Grand Mourning"? 268 Somehow it sounds like ohayo gozai masu doesn't it? Somehow it sounds like "Good morning", doesn't it? 277 Eh? I'm not saitou though... Eh? I'm not mourning though... {oh wow, this actually fits} 296 Don't you know that I Sasasegawa Sasami, am a candidate to be the next captain for the softball club? Don't tell me you're unaware that I, Sasasegawa Sasami, am the next captain candidate for the softball club? {included the "don't tell me"} 298 Even if you're sister of the famous Natsume Kyosuke, Even if you're the sister of school's most popular Natsume Kyosuke, {gakkou de ichiban ninki} 299 close friends with the hero of the kendo club Miyazawa-san close friends with the kendo club's hero, Miyazawa-san, 303 Rin, " Miyazawa always went into bath wearing his uniform to have a shower" say that! Rin, tell them that Miyazawa keeps his clothes on and wears socks on his head whenever he takes a bath! {missing the socks on his head} 323 Me too, have admiration for the members of Little Busters. I should also try recruiting new members for the Little Busters. {wrong translation} 324 I started wishing for that as well. I started thinking like that as well. 325 Something that everyone can do... for me. The one wanting to do something with everyone was me, after all. {wrong translation} 326 I wonder what it is... I'll try to make a conversation. 329 Ah...mysterious things sometimes happen in the world... There are all sorts of mysteries in this world... 330 Strangly, Sweets and candy suddenly fell from the sky. Sweets, candy and snacks falling from the sky! {alas, no okashii, but all sorts of okashi} =====SIGN Episode 1 The team name will be... Little Busters ==========